You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize