There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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