I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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