Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
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I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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