I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize