Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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