i jhust puked up my retainher.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize