I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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