I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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