you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im holly from the hills drunk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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