It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize