i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
