my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
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Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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