if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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