Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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