I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
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Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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