theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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