I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize