so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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