Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize