i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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