She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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