i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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