Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize