Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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