The maid of honor just puked.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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