No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize