So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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