We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
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So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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