Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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