Tell her she can't have a vagina
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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