I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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