Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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