Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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