What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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