i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize