omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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