I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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