Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
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My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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