Ambien. No doubt about it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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