I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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