don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
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so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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