She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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