he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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