My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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