just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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