Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize