I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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