she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize