Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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